Chocolate had always been my achilles heal. I didn’t even discriminate. Chocolate can be in cookies, cakes, cupcakes, candy bars, cake pops, I don’t care. I want it. Half a year ago I decided to detox from sugar all together and quit cold turkey. I had no choice. I was an addict, and there was no limiting myself. Once I had sugar, it was on. One time my daughter and I made chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing from a box. I don’t know what happened. Maybe I blacked out, because in an hour’s time, half of them were gone. After some detective work we came to the conclusion that I was the perpetrator. Yep it was that bad.
After the initial melt down of detox, the cravings were manageable. I really don’t crave sugar that much anymore. That’s both good and bad. I used sugar and chocolate as a reward and crutch, and now it’s kind of sad because what do I do now? I have to find a new way to reward myself or deal with stress, but that’s a whole other blog post.
So, today when I walked into the Randalls grocery store, I was surprised when my thoughts instantly darted to the idea of getting a chocolate iced donut. Now where did that come from? You might say to yourself, “If I’m going to eat those calories I’m getting a real donut from Shipley’s or Krispy Kreme. Might as well do it right.” Oh no my friend. Try one from Randall’s if you have one near by. You will be shocked. That’s where it’s at.
Thankfully, after peering longingly into the donut case – it was really getting kind of creepy from an outsider’s point of view- I walked away. In my infinite wisdom, I rationalized with myself. If I was going to be bad, then how could I still have chocolate, but minimize the damage? Great thinking! My brain is learning to think myself out of unhealthy situations. I hadn’t had a chocolate cake pop from Starbucks in forever, and I know they are 160 calories, so why not do that? Score! So I go up the elevator – yep lucky me there’s a Starbucks right upstairs- and asked for a chocolate cake pop. Guess what? They were out!! I was horrified. After all of that? Wow. I was speechless. The barista tried to help me by telling me they still had birthday cake pops available. But you know that feeling when you have your mouth ready for something and you can’t have it? Where nothing else is good enough? Once the shock subsided, and I was able to speak again, I kindly told her no thank you.
In the end it was for the best. I’ll take it as a win, even though the forces around me were what saved me from myself, and not me doing it.
I used to love chocolate iced donuts so much that I can tell you from looking at this picture from google images, that this fine specimen, is from Krispy Kreme.